So This is 30

As a rule, I hate my birthday. Not because I'm turning a year older which I'm never too worried about. It's more because it's the week after Christmas and my hatred of the day probably started when I was a kid and my birthday would get lost in the holiday season with no one outside my family remembering. At 30 that's no longer a problem, I really don't mind in the way my eight year old self did, but it's still always kind of a melancholy day for me. I'm sure I could psychoanalyze myself and unpack that more, but eh who has the time. The day only comes up once a year, after all. 

When my brother came down in October he took pictures mostly of the dogs and Goose, but I snuck in a few too. 

I think birthdays are highly overrated by society, and milestone birthdays are made out to be this big life-changing day where you wake up and suddenly feel a year/decade older, more mature, whatever. Well I turned 30 on January 1 and let me tell you, the world is still a shitshow, I still hate 92% of people, and I still have debt. WHY ISN'T THE WORLD ALL SPARKLY AND NEW LIKE IT SHOULD BE?!

I don't think a more perfect photo has ever existed. 

In many ways I'm relieved to be starting a new decade of my life. I've worked hard the past few years to build a life I love in North Carolina, and I've been successful. Nothing is perfect, like, at all, but I have put in the work and effort to change my life for the better. Five years ago, I was miserable with a job I hated up in NJ and felt stuck and depressed. Now? I mean seasonal depression is real but I don't feel all that stuck and I'm really proud of the life I've built. 

The one thing I do like about my January 1 birthday is that my years wrap up nicely with the calendar year. It would be easy for me to look at 2021 and harp on about how much it sucked, how awful it was, the list goes on (and on... and on... and on...). And it did suck, for so, so many reasons. My grandmother died in April while I was in the middle of moving for the second time that year. COVID continued to terrorize the world. I lost a dear friend and coworker, unvaccinated on a ventilator. My parents continue to refuse to be vaccinated, and everyone got COVID over Christmas while I was in Vermont. The cherry on top of a delightful year, if you will. 

But oh how I love Vermont. And these girls. 

But I also made the decision to put my condo on the market last February. It sold in 24 hours for significantly more than I had paid for it two years prior. I was able to rent an adorable apartment from a friend and I bought my house in April, a miracle in this housing market, and right when I needed it most so I could bring Penny home to live with us. Opening the back door to let my dogs out into the yard is truly a pleasure, and we've enjoyed making this house our home. 

Eventually I'll print this and hang it in my office. These girls in our yard <3 

Classic deck pawty

Goose turned 17 and is largely doing really well. His BFF Tammy now part-leases him and takes him on fun adventures, and he adores her. I've taken him to two lessons this year, two hunter paces, and many trail rides and little trips. I've had some saddle time on friends' horses which I'm so grateful for. 

Hoping for more rides on Queen Z in 2022. 

I've done more walking and hiking than ever this year, and Penny is the healthiest she's ever been at eight years old. After she almost died of pancreatitis while living with my grandmother and her aids summer 2020, this is the best accomplishment and compliment I could have ever gotten from her vet. She tests me every day, but I'm so thankful to have the privilege of taking care of my late grandparents' precious girl. Zuzu and Franny are still the best, and have tried out a few dog sports. I genuinely have so much fun taking them to practice events with friends. I adore my life with my dogs; they are truly the best part of my day.

Travel has been challenging for me (or rather, not traveling has been hard on me) and I still refuse to get on a plane in COVID times, but I was able to travel to the Outer Banks twice, and NJ a few times as well (less fun but hey, I do like road trips). I ended the year in my most favorite place, our Vermont house. The trip was stressful and didn't go to plan, but I'm so glad I got to ring in the new year and a new decade of my life with a small group of people who mean so much to me. A bittersweet trip as I don't know if I'll ever be back at that house if we sell it this year, but I'm thankful I got to go at all. 

Just a lady Francis lounging by the pool waiting for her cabana boy to bring her a drink.

I'll never get tired of watching them at the beach.

Classis OBX pic. Love these humans.

Yeah, 2021 sucked in a lot of ways and I don't think that should be downplayed. The world fucking sucks, a lot of people have died, and nothing seems to be getting better. But I believe we need to balance that out by looking at some of the good too, as I did above. 

I can't abide resolutions and believe that any day is a good day to change your life, but I do have some goals and milestones I'd like to meet this year and have already been actively pursuing ways to go after them. First and foremost, I'm trying to choose happiness more often. It's really fucking hard, and I'm not very good at it (clearly). But 30 years of my life have gone by, and I'm tired of my anxiety-riddled brain ruining even the smallest moments that should bring a smile to my face. As I spend this week self-quarantining in my house to be safe after coming back to NC from the holidays, I've spent every night in bed with my dogs by 8pm watching reruns of my favorite shows and eating leftover Christmas chocolate. It's been positively DELIGHTFUL, and while I won't continue doing that every night, hey it's a small way to find some happiness and I will cherish the opportunities like that when they come up. Even if I'm outwardly swearing on my blog, I'm internally finding moments of joy. 

They know when it's movie watching snuggle time.

Franny wondering if she's too young to watch the new Sex in the City. I keep reminding her she's not a baby Tato anymore, she turns 21 (3) on January 20! 

As for 2022? I have low expectations and reasonable goals. One of those goals is to get back to blogging about Goose, though I suspect my content will be limited while we trudge through this winter.

Cheers to a new year, may it bring anything other than despair and hopelessness treat us all better than the last. (<------- Look at me being more positive!)

My furmily <3 Minus Goose who wouldn't cooperate.