The Art of Riding Sports Equipment

This week, I was reminded of something very important.

Recently I mentioned finding my zen and staying calm no matter what evasive tactics he throws at me. Overall, this has been going well and we’ve accomplished a lot despite our hotter-than-hell summer.

There’s a few things going on right now that have me a little stressed out. Nothing major, just normal life things and a few situational changes I need to consider making. Of course, there is nothing better after a long, stressful day than a nice easy ride and feeding all the carrots to a big goofy horse. I left work on Tuesday and was immediately stuck in traffic for freaking ever. As a Jersey girl, my blood pressure skyrocketed as I screamed at the Carolinians for their pathetic excuse for driving. Sorry, getting worked up again and my road rage comes out. Anyway, finally made it out to the barn, quickly groomed the muddy monster and chanted “Ilovemygrey, Ilovemygrey, Ilovemygrey” to myself as I practiced deep breathing to avoid suffocating in the humidity. I hadn’t even gotten on the horse yet and was already drenched in sweat, both mine and Goose’s. The air was so thick I could see the haze suffocating me, not just feel it. By my estimation, the temperature was about ten thousand degrees with one billion percent humidity. I’m no meteorologist, but I’m certain that’s accurate.

I hadn’t really wanted to ride. It was truly disgusting out, I hadn’t been feeling great all day, and my road rage was still present. I should have gotten on bareback, walked around the field once, and called it a day. Or just pet his nose. That would have been the smartest. Alas, I am a horse girl whose horse had a few days off already, and I was determined to do at least a light ride. He’d been perfect the past few times, what could go wrong?

It. Went. Wrong. He started out super sluggish. No worries buddy, pretty sure I’m dying too. We picked up the trot, still sluggish but he was so good, dropping his nose to stretch, moving his hind end, even moving his shoulder to the inside when asked. Win! Picked up the canter. Slow lope. Great. Good boy, you’re still stretching! Huzzah! We’ve been counter cantering quite a bit lately, and he’s been perfect, so let’s try it and call it quits. Alright Goober, one corner of counter canter and we’re done for today! Famous last words…

I had been on for a grand total of about 25 minutes, and most of that was walking. It was hot, neither of us wanted to work, but despite my grievances with the weather, it wasn’t dangerously hot for a quick 30-minute ride with minimal work. He had warmed up great and I don’t feel guilty about asking him for one challenging thing that he’d been an absolute angel with for the past few weeks.

What happened next went something like this:

Me: La di da, let’s canter right up the long side and around corner on right lead. Cool, let’s do a shallow diagonal to switch directions, make sure this turn is nice and wide to retain right lead like my unicorn has been so delightful about.

Goose: Woman, you are out of your fool head if you think I am going to hold my right lead for even ONE second in the left direction! *twists head, mouth gaping, throw shoulder, awful trot, throw hind end opposite way of shoulder*

Me: Deep breath, apply whip, leg, turn right to get right lead back.

Goose: NO WHIP! GOOSE MAD GOOSE BUCK AND LEAP AND BRONCO! (Note: While quite capable of ass over head bucks, he rarely expends that much energy and they end up being baby bucks and porpoising.)

Me: Sonofa…Isweartogodyoupieceof…. Right rein, tight circle try to get back to walk and relax both of us. Back to canter, good boy. Let’s try again…

Goose: NO TURN GOOSE ANGRY GOOSE GAPE MOUTH AND BULGE NO LISTEN TO MEAN HUMAN!

Me: ISWEARTOGODGOOSEYOUAREGOINGONCRAIGSLISTFORFIVEDOLLARSIFYOUDON’TKNOCKITOFF

Goose: IS THAT A THREAT OR A PROMISE YOU EVIL HUMAN!

As my horse flailed around, I lost all semblance of sanity. No zen to be found, must have left it on I-77 South. It was unbearably humid, I was seeing stars from the heat, and Goose was in a frenzy. I asked him for something simple that he’s very good at. I wasn’t drilling him. To be clear, I was asking for one corner of counter canter which is something he’s been excellent at in the past, including the very recent past as in Sunday. However, this is one of those moments where I wish I had just stopped, said okay buddy fair enough, cantered right for once more second to get that lead and then just have been done. I broke my rule of not taking my mood out on my horse, and I let my anger go. He offered a fight, and I took the bait when I know better. I didn’t abuse or hurt him (I would be in therapy right now if I thought I’d caused him any harm, promise I’m a good horse owner!), but I didn’t exactly listen to him either. On his end, he was not being helpful or cooperative. He used to pull this belligerent crap all the time with me and as someone who NEVER blames the horse, he really gave me a run for his money on the simplest things at times. He doesn’t have a very good work ethic and I try really hard to give him a work/life balance so he doesn’t get bored or frustrated, and with these methods we’ve had a lot of success and breakthroughs in the past year. My trainer was fantastic about telling me to take a step back when I was about to lose it, and work on something easier until that was boring. We’ve done that, we’ve worked through things when we needed to, and Goose and I have largely come to an agreement about a work schedule that is fun but productive. This is a horse who right now is working four days a week, sometimes five if MK is around and the weather is good. He’s fit, but lacking stamina. I am less fit, and also lacking stamina. We are struggling but improving. Don’t get me wrong, Goose can be a real piece of work sometimes. He’s run me out of arenas more times than I can count, and there have been many occasions that I needed to work through a grievance and not always be sweet about it. In this situation, asshat Goose should have just counter cantered, but when he said no, I 100% should have handled it better. This one’s on me. This wasn’t one of his “episodes” where he was blindly running me around because his two brain cells failed to spark any sanity. This was terrible weather, a long day, and a bad attitude on my part. He didn't feel like being helpful, and while the stubborn part of me still wishes he had just done what I asked, I don't blame him for telling me to shove it.

Coulda shoulda woulda. Riding is freaking hard. One of the first things I learned at Briarwood camp many moons ago was that horses aren’t sports equipment. This is a statement I have quoted many times to campers and students that I have taught and interacted with. It is a concept that has always resonated with me. These animals have brains, and riding is not just a sport. It is a partnership. It is teamwork. On a team, sometimes a player is having a bad day. Tuesday, my teammate was probably having as bad a day as I was, and instead of considering that, I got mad. Ultimately, I got him to do what I wanted. It took a lot of leaping, and the whole time I was trying not to black out I was thanking my lucky stars that he is as comfortable and easy to sit as he is, even when he’s running sideways across the arena. In the end, I accomplished absolutely nothing. There was no reason I shouldn't have let this one thing go, one little thing that he said it was too hot to do and if I had any unmelted brain cells I probably would have agreed with. He has been so good lately, we didn’t need to school the counter canter. It wasn’t a training moment that needed to happen. But I am human, and riding is hard, and sometimes I need to be reminded that my horse is not sports equipment. He is not a robot, he is not compliant, and he sure isn’t easy. These are just a few of the many reasons I love him so much.

Goose keeps me humble, and is always willing to place a big dunce cap on my head to make me feel incompetent. But you know what? He’s also the big goofy face with the wiggly lips that give me kisses and beg for carrots the second I hop to the ground. He’s the goober that nickers to me after I left him for only a few minutes to put tack away. His is the shoulder I cry on because sometimes life is really, really hard. He’s the horse I haven’t given up on, even when people told me I should, that I’d be lucky to get him to be a hack horse. He hasn't given up on me either. He’s about the furthest thing from sports equipment, and I’m sorry I lost my cool and handled a situation badly. I am human. I messed up. Goose forgives me. Hopefully, I’ve learned something (I have).

I’d like to say this will never happen again, but it will. We'll try to do The Dressage, he’ll throw a tantrum, maybe I will, there will be some cursing on my end and bucking on his. With any luck, we’ll end that ride with a carrot and a pat as I thank him for not dumping me on my ass as I probably deserved. Or maybe it will be a pat after I remind him that I am the human who decides what we do, and it is his job to do things as he’s asked without throwing tantrums for no reason. Sometimes there are days like that too. We are imperfect, but we mostly get along these days and I’m trying to not get too down about one bad ride out of weeks of many good ones. It happens. He’s probably forgotten about it already.

Actually, he’s probably plotting revenge and I’m going to have to bring extra carrots and ask extra nicely for things this weekend. I’ve decided to take a few days to myself and will head back out on Saturday to beg forgiveness. MK rode him tonight and I’m sure he was an angel as he tends not to hold grudges to anyone but me. Even then, I’m sure I’ll get on Saturday and he’ll be his perfect self so long as I don’t ask for the counter canter (I will be tabling that one for awhile to make sure we don't have a repeat performance on either of our parts). Well, he might still be pissed but the weekend forecast is calling for trail riding and splashing in the creek and I have exactly zero plans of making us work hard. My brain could use some fun time and I think his could too. I will find my happy place again, and I will work on being a better rider for my horse because that’s all I can do.

You can see the haze from the humidity. Also, he loves being sprayed in the face.

I can also bring extra carrots and apples and give him extra-long sprays with the hose to buy his forgiveness. Don’t ever tell me bribery doesn’t work.

Had to edit to add this picture I just saw MK post. I am clearly suffering over Tuesday's ride way more than Goose is.

Photo courtesy of MK, just a girl and a unicorn